The joy of vituperation

May 23rd, 2005 § One comment

No critic pans a movie more effectively than the New Yorker‘s Anthony Lane. In last week’s issue, Lane savaged Return of the Sith with such unbridled glee that George Lucas may actually have shed a minuscule tear onto the enormous pile of cash that he uses as an armchair. An excerpt:

[T]he one who gets me is Yoda. May I take the opportunity to enter a brief plea in favor of his extermination? Any educated moviegoer would know what to do, having watched that helpful sequence in “Gremlins” when a small, sage-colored beastie is fed into an electric blender. A fittingly frantic end, I feel, for the faux-pensive stillness on which the Yoda legend has hung. At one point in the new film, he assumes the role of cosmic shrink—squatting opposite Anakin in a noirish room, where the light bleeds sideways through slatted blinds. Anakin keeps having problems with his dark side, in the way that you or I might suffer from tennis elbow, but Yoda, whose reptilian smugness we have been encouraged to mistake for wisdom, has the answer. “Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose,” he says. Hold on, Kermit, run that past me one more time. If you ever got laid (admittedly a long shot, unless we can dig you up some undiscerning alien hottie with a name like Jar Jar Gabor), and spawned a brood of Yodettes, are you saying that you’d leave them behind at the first sniff of danger? Also, while we’re here, what’s with the screwy syntax? Deepest mind in the galaxy, apparently, and you still express yourself like a day-tripper with a dog-eared phrase book. “I hope right you are.” Break me a fucking give.

One comment

  • Cdawg says:

    I haven’t seen the movie, nor do I intend to, but the commentary is genius. But by the looks of the new Lucas complex in the Presidio, he ain’t doing so bad, so probably doesn’t really care if people think the new Star Wars movies suck. And anyway, there’s enough people holding onto the “magic” of the original movies to think that anything Star Wars is worth watching/buying/praying to, etc.

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