A lack of restraint

October 17th, 2008 § Comments off

Dear Unilever:

I wish to purchase a ten-pound bucket of the crackly, sugary substance that is swirled throughout Ben & Jerry’s Crème Brûlée Ice Cream. Once I receive this bucket, I will strap it on my face like a feedbag and suck down the sweet goodness it contains until my stomach is on the verge of exploding.

I am prepared to indemnify you against all claims arising from the diabetic coma that will inevitably result.

Yours in butterfat,

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