Question

July 26th, 2004 § Comments off § permalink

Do you suppose that Jonathan Safran Foer refers to his clothes as “Safran threads”?

Euphemistic

July 11th, 2004 § Comments off § permalink

Today’s New York Times includes a marriage announcement for Mr. Peter Alternative. I guess it would have been inappropriate to just name him “Lesbianism.”

Who knows

July 1st, 2004 § Comments off § permalink

Overheard earlier: “Are you sure she was stoned and not just post-orgasmic?”

Literary genius

June 28th, 2004 § One comment § permalink

I’m writing a book that offers something for everyone, from four-year-old children to adult fans of magical realism. It’s called If on a Winter’s Night a Traveler Gave a Mouse a Cookie.

Preorders, anyone?

HOV and pavement: a natural combination

April 30th, 2004 § Four comments § permalink

If you liked The Grey Album–a mashup of Jay-Z’s Black Album and the Beatles’ White Album–you should definitely check out The Slack Album, which combines Jay-Z with Pavement’s Slanted and Enchanted. Super-cool stuff.

Incidentally, when The Grey Album came out, I was delighted to learn that Jay-Z also calls himself “Hov’,” which has a rather different meaning in transportation circles. That discovery led me to rewrite some of the lyrics to Jay-Z’s “Public Service Announcement“:

My name is HOV, H to the O V

I drive cars with high occupancy

I guess even back then you could call me

So concerned with air quality. HOV!

I could probably be a bigger dork than I am, but I’m not sure how.

Planning “humor”

February 14th, 2004 § One comment § permalink

Q. Why did the Indian restaurant get kicked out of the residential neighborhood?

A. Because it was a naan-conforming use.

(If you’re confused, read this. If you’re not amused, clearly you have better taste than me.)

Sisyphean overtones

January 6th, 2004 § Comments off § permalink

Apple’s new slogan for its iLife suite—which includes software for creating DVDs, music, and photo libraries—is “It’s like Microsoft Office for the rest of your life.” I cannot think of a worse fate.

There’s a little Dr. Moreau in all of us

November 25th, 2003 § Comments off § permalink

One of my brother’s friends is applying for a job as an animal care technician. I asked her if that meant she would be inventing new cyborg animals, like a helifrog or a pelicanoceros. Sadly, it does not.

More crude humor from the Interweb

October 11th, 2003 § One comment § permalink

So did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist who got off on a technicality?

Dial 1-900-MIXALOT

October 11th, 2003 § Two comments § permalink

Large buttocks are pleasing to me, nor am I able to lie concerning this matter.

I have seen her dancing. Forget, therefore, about blandishments!

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