Dear Unilever:
I wish to purchase a ten-pound bucket of the crackly, sugary substance that is swirled throughout Ben & Jerry’s Crème Brûlée Ice Cream. Once I receive this bucket, I will strap it on my face like a feedbag and suck down the sweet goodness it contains until my stomach is on the verge of exploding.
I am prepared to indemnify you against all claims arising from the diabetic coma that will inevitably result.
Yours in butterfat,
Jeff