pinchy dot org.

After spending the better part of a day immersed in Perl, I was able to resurrect about 99% of the comments and entries from the old pinchy.org! Most of them need a little massaging before I can put them back online, so you’ll see new (i.e., old) entries showing up sporadically as I get around to cleaning them up.

I guess you’ll be able to find out what I thought of George W. Bush six years ago after all.1

1. Spoiler alert: I did not particularly care for him. [↩]

Hello, Eastern Seaboard. That sound you just heard was me putting my feet up on the coffee table and basking in San Francisco’s balmy 55°F nighttime temperature.

Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh. So temperate. So not trapped under two feet of snow.

I am currently going nuts because I can’t figure out how to make WordPress say “Nine comments” (for example) instead of “9 comments.” You’re probably thinking something like “who cares,” but goddammit, I want my weblog to use proper English, not this “4 comments” nonsense! What’s become of this country, the debasing of the English language, anarchy in our schools, etc., etc.

All of which is apparently my way of saying “Merry Christmas.”

The Winter 2010 issue of California, the UC Berkeley alumni magazine, has a particularly gruesome article about bed bugs. My favorite part:

Bed bugs have the expected genitals, [an entomologist] says, and they’re fully capable of having insert-tab-A-into-slot-B sex to reproduce. That’s not what happens. This is: “The male grasps onto the female, and it’s very graphic, and they’re rolling around. It’s not a smooth-looking thing. And the male takes his reproductive organ and starts to stab her all over her body, all over her abdomen, and he punctures a hole through her—and remember she already has one that would work just fine—and he punctures a hole through her and releases his sperm into her blood.”

Really?

“It is interesting, and it’s really, really fun to watch,” [the entomologist] says.

From this excerpt, we can conclude the following:

1. Entomologists are messed up.
2. So are bed bugs.
3. When a right-wing politician says we should only have sex in the way God intended, he means that he wants to stab women with his penis.

Wow, pinchy dot org is back! And just when everyone had stopped caring that it ever existed. Perfect timing.

Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to import the posts and comments from the previous iteration of this weblog. To those of you who wanted to know what I thought about George W. Bush six years ago, I extend my humblest apologies.

Also, if by some miracle you still have this site in your feed reader of choice, you’ll need to update to the new feed. I trust you’ve all figured out how to do this by now. If not, I offer free technical support for the first two minutes, then $24.95 for each additional minute. You should also know that my accounts receivable guy is named Nicky the Greek and keeps a crowbar in his trunk.

So! A new year (almost) and a fresh start. And this time around, I promise to post at least once every five years. That’s the Jeff Williams Guarantee.™